Salman Butt grilled by Scotland Yard; Insists on insuring his ‘butt’!

Scotland Yard managed to grapple the bums’ of six Pakistani cricketers, including their captain Salman Butt, allegedly involved in reports of match-fixing in the ongoing Test match between Pakistan and England at Lord’s.

An animated Butt has slammed the reports saying, “These are just allegations. Anyone can stand out and say anything about you. It doesn’t make them true. And on top of it, Mohammad Aamer, Mohammad Asif & I have jointly insured our butts. So nobody can screw us from behind!”

The allegations caused uproar in Pakistan, with Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani emphatically promising to launch a ‘rear-end’ investigation. In an incognito meeting with the players, President Asif Ali Zardari has expressed full support to his countrymen, provided they mail him some 'exclusive photos' taken for the said insurance purpose.

Beaten at the Oscars by ex wife Kathryn Bigelow’s Hurt Locker; James Cameron has completely lost it

Bigelow’s Hurt Locker success traumatized legendary James Cameron, who is all set to take revenge by conquering the next Oscars with the re-release of his legacy – ‘AVATAR’. The new version is said to contain an extra nine minutes, including a racy uncut pre-marital alien tentacle sex. (Phew!). Tamil actress Khushboo, who recently won a long and tough legal battle for her comments on pre-marital sex, was thrilled to endorse the movie on request of Mr. Cameroon.

Cameron's actual script was briefly posted online and featured some breathless descriptions of the scene! “

,” read the narrative (in Navi). For all those who are yet to master the language, here’s the depiction :

“The tendrils intertwine with gentle undulations. Jake rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system and hers. The ultimate intimacy,” read the narrative (in English)

Cameron is fervently hoping that the Oscar jury will get overwhelmed seeing the blue creatures make out in 3D. And if that’s not enough to ensure a seat at the Oscars, the director/producer is remaking ‘TITANIC’ in 4D. Cameron is experimenting with this novel concept that will give the audience a never-before-felt experience; especially when one gets a feel of the celebrity sputum hitting one’s face, throughout the ‘who-can-spit-the-longest’ competition between Jack & Rose.

P.S. Chinese, Japanese, Malayalam & Slovenian translations are also available!

Congress Adopts New Theme Song for its Fav Child - RAHUL !

While Rehman’s Jai Ho is still the theme song of the Congress, the party allotted a unique ‘entry’ theme song by Butter Naan called Daddy's Flag, for the General Secretary Rahul Gandhi.

Disclaimer: It’s purely coincidental, if you find an appalling similarity to

K'Naan’s Soccer World Cup, 2010 anthem ‘Waving Flag’

[Cho(ng)rus]

When I get older, I will be ruler,

They'll call me Gandhi, just like my Daddy’s Flag,

And then it goes back, and then it goes back, And then it goes back

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)

And everybody will be singing it

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)

And you and I will be singing it

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)

And we all will be singing it

(Ohhh Ohh Ohh Ohh)

So many votes, settling scores,

Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,

I heard them say, Aam Aadmi is the way,

Aam Aadmi is the answer, that's what they say,

But look how they treat us, Make us believers,

We fight their battles, then they deceive us,

Try to control us, they couldn't hold us,

Cause we just move forward (un)like BJP Soldiers

[Cho(ng)rus]

When I get older, I will be ruler,

They'll call me Gandhi, just like my Daddy’s Flag,

And then it goes back, and then it goes back,

And then it goes back

Ohhhh Ohhhh (continues)

Mayawati To Get Waxed (Yes! You heard it right) at Madame Tussauds!

UP CM Mayawati is all set to join the wax figures of the famed and famous at Madame Tussauds in Times Square, NY. The Indian Govt. is backing the initiative hoping against hope that this will help in gratifying her narcissistic hunger for statues and in stalling her dream project 'Ambedkar Samajik Parivartan Shodh Sansthan' a.k.a. My F@ k Buddies.

The curator of Tussauds Dr. D A Lit, raised a genuine concern stating, “Waxing the sizzling hot Mayawati, the one of a kind who can give Angelina Jolie a run for her money, might turn out to be too hot for us to handle, resulting in the wax figurine getting melted. Thus we may stick with the old tried and tested method of publicly immortalizing her in stone/brass as seen on streets of Lucknow”. A crestfallen Mayawati was seen opening her un-waxed heart to the New York press saying, “I was so very excited of getting waxed and becoming the first Dalit woman to do so. But due to unforeseen circumstances, it might not happen and thus I might have to deal with my un-waxed body till they find a solution”.

Now that explains a lot about her dressing sense!

'Tryst with Destiny' decoded after 63 long years !

Indian Independence Day Special Edition

(4 days late; thereby demonstrating the Indian-ness)

Expert cryptologists led by Dr. DaVinci of Old Monk Buddies Research Centre, have managed to decipher the famous I-Day speech by Jawaharlal Nehru, said to contain several hidden messages to Lady Edwina Mountbatten, including the usage of the term India in reference to Nehru himself. Thus the inspirational speech with subliminal pointers, “At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom”, secretly meant to set up a hush-hush date between the two for a ‘coochie-coo’ session, has been gravely mistaken as one arising out of Nehru’s overwhelming pride for the nation. After interpreting its true meaning, one can’t stop but fathom whether his long suppressed soul (Ref: The Ugly Truth (Movie)), found the much awaited utterance…

MERCENARIES reloaded - On A Maoist Hunt!

In a final, desperate effort to tackle the growing Maoist terror in the country, PM invited all the mercenaries (including those who died in Part 1 Expendables), to India, in hope of restoring peace. "The disastrous movie getting bombed at the box Office aided GoM in arriving at the unanimous decision", said hon'ble Home Minister P. Chidambaram. As in Part 1, Arnold and Bruce Willis too agreed to play a crucial 'blink-and-you'll-miss cameo' during the hunt!

Terrorism Process Outsourcing - TPO's

Boo$t Mobile's Day Out

Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na

What Scared Usain Bolt Out Of CWG?

The GODS must be CRAZY !!

MK Kaushik unCensored ..

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