Mahesh finds a new doubles partner in Lara...

After breaking up with long time partner Leander Paes and the Belarusian hunk Max Mirnyi, Mahesh Bhupathi has finally decided to settle for a Lara. Even though the not-so-straight-preferences of Mahesh & our scheme of plot, point directly to one Brian Lara, you got it all wrong, pal! This time it’s the ravishing former Miss Universe turned Bollywood damsel Lara Dutta. Bhupathi was claimed to be the apparent reason behind Lara dumping Dino Morea (a 'who'?). The lady has been held responsible for the divorce between Bhupathi and Shwetha Jaishankar (another 'who'?). The couple has of late given ample indications of their closeness, including hand-in-hand appearances at many award shows.

Then why the delayed announcement?

In a clandestine revelation, Lara’s confessional stated that she feared being Mahesh’s doubles partner, as it meant, performing the famous heart-wrenching ‘Lee-Hesh’ ‘chest bump’ after every volley won. To watch it on T.V. while sipping a health drink is one thing, but on the field, especially with a madman fuming with pride for ones’ nation, it’s one ridiculously insane act. PERIOD. What if the silicone implants get permanently distorted like what happened to Sania Mirza? No, it’s definitely not her cup of herbal tea.

Thus, it took a while for Mahesh to convince Lara, who decided to nod in approval only when a pleading Mahesh recited his wedding vows in filmy style.

“I, (Mahesh), take you (Lara), to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold (without any chest bumping) from this day forward, for better (Martina Hingis) or for worse (Rakhi Sawant), for richer (Neeta Ambani), for poorer (again Rakhi Sawant), in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

P.S. When asked, Rakhi was very much excited to do the chest bumping thingy along with anyone except Mika Singh, sources said.