Al Qaeda Top Management Jig

The world renowned charitable organization is on the look out for its top brass. Hurry! Send in your resumes to osamadead&lovin’it@abbottabad.co.pk

Unlimited perks and benefits include:

- 7 or more spouses; a lifetime opportunity for legal unlimited sex with multiple partners.

- Ultimate power as the world is your playground and incredible projects of various dimensions ranging form twin towers to triplets to quadruplets.

- In addition, you get to know what, when and where the world leaders are conspiring and how to stay one step ahead of the competition.

The Egyptian humanitarian Saif al-Adel reportedly has taken over as an interim operational leader of Al Qaeda until the charitable trust appoints Osama Bin Laden’s permanent successor. The visionary leader has announced that there is a huge potential that remains untapped within the trust and the immediate strategy is to find a suitable candidate to ensure its smooth workflow. The selection process includes a written test, group discussion, a personal & a panel interview along with a rigorous physical endurance test.

The written tests include general aptitude test and psychoanalytical tests to analyze your potential and strategies that benefit the organization in the long run. Exclusive reports of the leaked topics of discussion brought to you in collaboration with Julian Assange and ‘A’ Corner include:

• What next? Pentagon or Hexagon!

• Who is a more prettier victim – Kate or Pipa Middleton!

• It rhymes - Obama slayed Osama!

• Are the Chinese governmental initiatives more user friendly than that of Pakistan?

The physical endurance test will be similar to that of Ironman Triathlon, also includes scaling of Mt. Everest and fun suicide bombing. Those who escape without a scratch will be grilled by a panel of hardcore Guantanamo Bay escapees. The panel interview will be topped up with a personal interview with Saif al-Adel and a posthumous Osama Bin Laden.

P.S. Wishing you the very best! Go for it; unleash the smiling assassin in you.

It Happens Only In India!

Jahan Stadium mein Leakage,
Footbridge mein Breakage,
Ho CM ke Chopper Gaayab,
It Happens Only In India!

It's all in the 'Family'..

All Set to Rock the Govt.

The Che! Factor

CWG Grand Opening Ceremony live on ‘A’Corner! (Official Sponsor - Zandu balm)

After A.R. Rahman’s CWG anthem got sidelined, the Govt. of India today released a rocking new anthem for the big occasion. The night will kick off with a sizzling hot ‘Item Number’ by the ageless & agile Hon'ble CM Sheila Dikshit:

Dilli Badnaam Hui, Darling Tere Liye

" Dilli badnaam hui, darling tere liye... (3)
Dilli ke gaal gulabi, nain sharabi, chaal nawabi re
Le zandu balm hui, darling tere liye
Dilli badnaam hui, darling tere liye”

Followed by the entry theme song for the ‘Man of the Hour’ – Suresh Kalmadi. He will then shake a leg or two to the beats:

Udd Udd Dabangg Dabangg Dabangg Dabangg

“ Udd udd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg… (4)
Mann balwaan lagey chattaan rahe CWG maidaan mein aagey
Udd udd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg… (2)
Jo jhunjaar ho tyaar wahi sardar sa lagey
Udd udd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg… (2)
Daar ko kaate re, cheer dhare sanatte re
Jab veer bhare khunkhaare
Udd udd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg… (2)”

Sssshhh… Pin drop silence. Spot lights will focus on Kalmadi.

(Subliminal message – A snake slithering free through the Games Village)

Kalmadi ji will pounce on the helpless animal and will resume singing embracing the King Cobra around his neck.

" Jab baat aan pe aave re woh baan karaj pe khaawe re

Woh sab ke praan snake se bachawe re hai wohi dabangg
Woh shoorveer kehlawe re sarkaal bane mandraave re
Dushman ko maar girawe re hai wohi dabangg
Daar ko kaate re, cheer dhare sanatte re
Jab veer bhare khunkhaare
Udd udd dabangg dabangg dabangg dabangg…"

The authorities will draw the curtains with a victorious Kalmadi and the snake standing in ‘Shiva Thandavam’ pose. Then it’s solely upto them both to find a way to co-exist!

P.S. Sheila Ma’am is hoping to bag an endorsement for Zandu Balm, in hope of a subsequent livelihood, just like her predecessor Malaika Arora Khan, soon after her political tenure ends.

Inability To Spread Dengue - Suspected motive behind the recent honor killing amongst mosquitoes!

In what may be yet another suspected case of honor killing, the decomposed bodies of two mosquitoes, who eloped recently, have been found in a field in western U.P. The heads found severed, and though prima facie it appeared to be a case of honor killing, all angles are being looked into.

"It seems they were hit by some strong mosquito repellent spray or a coil. We suspect an honor killing and are recording the statements of their family members. We have also gathered some clues from the crime spot and very soon we will arrest the accused," Louie the Fly (Mortein ad antagonist), investigation officer of the case, said on Sunday.

Louie is adamant that the alleged motive is indeed the couple’s impotency a.k.a. inability to spread dengue/malaria in the streets of Delhi especially during the time of global star presence for the CWG. The 'Culicidae' family had dreams of exporting dengue globally at minimal costs by infecting all the foreign delegates, making them carriers. But the diffidence showed by the innocent couple may have forced the fraternity to cull them.

The victims identified as Houie, 22 (days), and Julia, 18 (days), were said to be in a relationship for the last 48-72 hours. An Odomos bottle was found lying near the bodies, and the exact cause of death would be known only after the autopsy report is received.

Meanwhile Louie has directed Good Knight, HIT, All Out, Mortein and other prominent mosquito killers not to leave the country, without prior permission of the court, till the investigation is completed.